


Life and Living

by HouseElfMagic



Series: Winteriron: James [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes-centric, Gen, Identity Struggles, M/M, Naive Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, playing with the bots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 09:25:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseElfMagic/pseuds/HouseElfMagic
Summary: James wasn’t used to simple outside of Hydra. Hydra was simple because he had to follow orders, but never think. The Tower was complex because of trying to keep himself in check and to appease the people residing in the building--including Stevie and two “super-spies.” But tossing a ball to the bots who would beep excitedly and give chase while watching Tony work and drowning his anxiety with Tony’s ridiculous loud music was as simple as it was pleasant.





	Life and Living

**Author's Note:**

> Not necessary to have read part one to understand.  
> Sorry if it sucks, but I couldn't sleep so I wrote this in the past 1.5 hours.

James’ days were strange now. They mostly followed a routine. He would wake up very early in the morning after another ~~memory~~ nightmare. JARVIS would provide more information on the past several decades or whatever topic caught his fancy that morning until Steve came to his floor to ask him about going for a run. James always used to say no before Steve showed him how big the gym was and how they could use that track instead of going outside. He wouldn’t allow himself to go outside.

James still doesn’t trust himself around civilians. Knowing JARVIS can kick his ass six ways to Sunday is oddly comforting, knowing that the AI can contain the soldier without casualties, never allowing him to bring anymore harm to civilians and give in to the creature Hydra made him into. It’s not that being the Winter Soldier is... evil ~~(Steve would say otherwise)~~ , just a tool. It’s his hands, but he’s not behind the wheel, and that’s what scares him.

Loss of control.

Steve, meanwhile, was completely oblivious to all of James’s internal conflicts. Like with calling him “Bucky.” The kid was persistent, but he’d tried to help James and was James’s only physical link back to the ‘good ole days,’ so he’s honestly afraid to call him on it. Afraid of being abandoned for not living up to his image of Bucky; Steve’s the only one rooting for him, so ~~when~~ if he pulls his support, where does that leave James? Homeless, alone, and ripe for Hydra to reclaim. He shuddered at the thought.

Now that he was free, he would never go back there, if he could help it. But they still had control, had had years to turn him into a machine incapable of agency or human thought. He was afraid of himself; being afraid to live up to his past self wasn’t doing him any favors either.

Steve seemed to be expecting some sort of miracle cure though, like being away from Hydra would suddenly undo decades of conditioning, decades of bloody memories. He would run in the mornings with “Bucky” and tell him all the stories he doesn’t want to hear about his childhood and their adventures in the army. He’d follow James around most of the day like he’d imprinted on James or something. Steve had other friends and other responsibilities though, so James sometimes succeeded in getting at least a little privacy. Or James would just pretend to turn in early for the night. Steve always believed him cause Sarah Rogers used to say that sleep and laughter were the best medicines.

Steve was naive in an interesting counterpoint to most of the team.

He vaguely remembered Natalie. She’d been a Red Room girl he’d trained. Good on her for surviving.

But Natalie was forged from the same stuff he was, and was rightly suspicious. He was suspicious of her too though. It was in both of their natures to fear unknown elements and to lean on the side of distrust, for it was how they had survived as long as they had. Still, she avoided him. He wasn’t sure if it was from her paranoia or from memories of her years in the Red Room, but he rarely saw her outside of Steve’s “mandatory team bonding meals.” He couldn’t say he particularly wanted to see her either, if it meant she lived up to her poisonous moniker.

The Hawk wasn’t that different. He was distrustful, but less obvious about it. While Natalie avoided him, the Hawk watched him. The Hawk would follow him in the vents, monitoring him, looking to see if he was a threat. He’d been here two and a half weeks, but he didn’t believe the Hawk’s monitoring would stop any time soon, or even that it should. Until all the control Hydra had over him is completely eliminated, he knows how dangerous he could be. He lets the Hawk continue his silent watch.

The doctor was the quietest. He spoke softly, never raising his voice. He drank herbal tea and acted as the peacekeeper often. He was cautious, but in a different way than Natalie or the Hawk. He would avoid drawing attention, especially from James. When James was in the same room as the doctor, the doctor would merely walk away.

Steve told him about this teammate, how he had unbridled rage inside that when piqued would cause him to turn into a “giant green rage monster.” He was thankful that the doctor avoided him, because he wants to avoid encountering his Mr. Hyde.

Steve mentioned another teammate, someone named Thor. Thor stopped by rarely and was from another world called Asgard, where he was the godly prince. Because apparently removing himself from Hydra meant jumping headfirst into one of Stevie’s old science fiction novels.

And then there was Tony. He wasn’t sure if Tony was avoiding him actually, since Steve said he avoided just about everyone. Tony apparently runs a company on top of being a “superhero.” He invents stuff, like JARVIS. If Tony could make JARVIS, James doesn’t want to know how long it would take him to rule the world. Probably a few hours.

Hydra had wanted to recruit him since he was four years old.

But when he got to see Tony... well, it was never quite the same twice. Sometimes Tony was a walking zombie, going for another cup of coffee and refusing his human body’s limitations. Then he’d usually nod at James (if he even noticed him), inhale his coffee, and wander back to the depths of the Tower from which he came. Other times, he’d be a flurry of motion, talking exceptionally fast in such highly-technological terms that James sometimes wondered if his time in Hydra had limited his mother language because he had no clue what Tony was talking about 99.99% of the time.

He liked listening though. Because while he didn’t understand a lot of it, it was nice to hear the cadence in his voice change, see the brilliant smile on his face (whether proud from his own brilliance or manic from exorbitant coffee intake was unknown). Steve might say a lot of things about Tony, but he never mentioned how full of _life_ Tony was when he created something. So while Steve may not appreciate Tony, James did. His light--even dimmed in concentration as he worked diligently--was enough to reflect on James like the Sun on the moon.

Tony gave him access to the workshop if he wanted (and if Tony wasn’t working on something highly confidential or explosive). As much as the workshop resembled a candy land of tech, James’ favorite part was the bots. DUM-E, Butterfingers, and U were all marks of the man’s intelligence (even while drunk, if the story is to be believed). But DUM-E, Butterfingers, and U didn’t know of James’ past and couldn’t comprehend it with their narrow AI focus. And honestly? That was a good thing because the bots were like small children who just want a little attention (playing fetch works well), and James wanted at least someone to show no fear of him while not playing Steve’s game either.

The bots were an escape. Tony would be working with music so loud James could hardly think. James would exit the elevator with a coffee and a sandwich in peace offering, and Tony would grunt his thanks, and James would scurry off to the bots’ corner.

Tony had several different ‘toys’ for the bots, but they seemed to especially like playing catch. They could never actually catch the ball, so it ended up being more along the lines of fetch, but they were endlessly amused just by James tossing a tennis ball.

It was pleasant, even--dare he say it... fun.

James wasn’t used to simple outside of Hydra. Hydra was simple because he had to follow orders, but never think. The Tower was complex because of trying to keep himself in check and to appease the people residing in the building--including Stevie and two “super-spies.” But tossing a ball to the bots who would beep excitedly and give chase while watching Tony work and drowning his anxiety with Tony’s ridiculous loud music was as simple as it was pleasant.

**Author's Note:**

> People mentioned a continuation of part one of this series, so I guess here's part two. Hope you enjoy and please leave a comment :)


End file.
